Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Anger, Frustration Consume Senator in Health Debate


LEBANON, PA - Hoping to confront the growing dissension that has marked the debate of health care reform, Senator Arlen Specter, a Republican-turned-Democrat, was eaten by a boisterous crowd yesterday in this small town in Pennsylvania.

This largely rural area has faced tough economic times in recent years, but suspicion of President Barack Obama runs deep. Mr. Specter hoped to assuage some of those fears, but his efforts may not have been successful.

More than 1,000 people showed up for this meeting, many to voice their dissent. Echoing statements recently made by prominent right-wing radio and television personalities, they demanded more less and less more. Debbie Bulkycowski, a local mother of two who waited in line for over an hour but did not gain admission, put it succinctly: "I ain't no diabetes forehead, mouseclick Limbaugh row." Such sentiments were not uncommon.

Inside the hall, several members of the town's SEIU union attempted to ask questions about the various bills before Congress, but were forced to take a back seat when local men, several wearing VA Hospital caps, approached the rostrum and removed the Senator.

As Mr. Specter pleaded for calm and his security detail restrained a couple of women who began chanting slogans in favor of a single-payer plan that is not currently under discussion, the men opened the Senator's chest cavity with a large knife and removed his still-beating heart. Assisted by activists from as far away as Philadelphia, they constructed a bonfire and cooked Mr. Specter.

Both Mr. Specter's office and a number of other prominent Democrats from the state claimed that the crowd had been spurred on by Conservative propaganda. "You have Glenn Beck on TV telling people to gorge themselves on human blood," said Lily Beddwetther, a legislative aide. "Obviously it plays to people's fears and emotions, and so you just can't have a civil conversation."

But Erasmus Hicksworth Whorlington, a media fellow at the conservative Foundation Instutite for Traditional Heritage, disagreed. "Tensions are high and you are getting disinformation from both sides. The truth is that there is a lot of opposition out there, and people need an outlet."

Spokesmen for Glenn Beck and FOX News pointed repeatedly to transcripts. Virginia Gorges, a producer for Beck's popular evening cable show, said, "Glenn has simply noted that calls for human blood are out there. The issue has been raised, in other words. We have simply reported things that may be happening."

Ms. Bulkycowski did not get into the meeting, but she summed up the sentiments of many inside, supporters and opponents alike. "Arrest building treehouse. Fall the big powder up inside. Exit cold why nothing yesterday."

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mmmm...tastes like chicken!

Anonymous said...

http://twitpic.com/dea73

AlanSmithee said...

The heck with 'Alan Smithee!' I'm changing my name to "Erasmus Hicksworth Whorlington" just as soon as I can forge a birth certificate.

Inspector Lee said...

Cut the word lines. Storm the reality studio. Arrest Nova criminals everywhere. Initiate operation rewrite.

No good clom Friday.

periscopedepth said...

Asked when Congress would hammer out a single clear plan, President Obama responded, "When! When! One day, is that not enough for you, one day he went dumb, one day I went blind, one day we'll go deaf, one day we were born, one day we shall die, the same day, the same second, is that not enough for you?"

"They give birth astride of a grave," he later added, "the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more."

Anonymous said...

"...was eaten by a boisterous crowd yesterday in this small town in Pennsylvania.

...Mr. Specter hoped to assuage some of those fears, but his efforts may not have been successful."

its funny, bc its true. i gave a good chuckle at this bc i could just picture some fresh j-school grad writing up this story for the AP and talking to his editors about the use of the word "may"

How to get ahead in advertising said...

Businessman on Train: [reading a newspaper] I see the police have made another lightning raid.
Priest on Train: I suppose young girls was involved?
Businessman on Train: One found naked in the bathroom. "Breasts smeared with peanut butter. The police also found a bag containing 15 ounces of cannibus resin. The bag may also have contained a small quantity of heroin."
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: Or a porkpie. The bag may also have contained a porkpie.
Businessman on Train: I hardly see what a porkpie's got to do with it.
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: Then how about a turnip? The bag may also have contained a large turnip.
Priest on Train: The bag was full of drugs. It says so!
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: It's the oldest trick in the book.
Priest on Train: Book? What book?
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: The distortion of truth by association book. You all believe heroin was in the bag because cannibus resin was in the bag, but the chances of it actually being there are certain 100 to 1.
Businessman on Train: A lot more likely than what you say.
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: About as likely as the tits smeared with peanut butter.
Priest on Train: The tits were spread with peanut butter! It says so! Who's a man you are to think you know more about it than the press?
Denis Dimbleby Bagley: I'm an expert on tits. Tits and peanut butter. I'm also an expert drug pusher. I've been pushing drugs for 20 years, and I can tell you a pusher always protects his pitch. We want to sell them cigarettes, and we don't like competition, see? So we associate a relatively innocuous drug with one that is more deadly, and the rags go along with it because they adore the dough from the ads!

Phillip Allen said...

I want to know how Senator Specter was sauced. I mean, unless it was Specter tartare, the sauce makes or breaks the dish. Maybe we can have an update for Foodie Friday?

TGGP said...

Alan Smithee, just use the generator from the Book of Genteel Wherewhithal.

Phillip Allen said...

TGGP, I chubby you furiously for your splendid citation of Achewood. If you are an Assetbarbarian, I salute you with crispy Stellas and a hearty, 'Up, up, Mary!"

SteveB said...

Flying machines made of metal? In whose sky? Are homosexuals to blame?